Thursday, April 2, 2009

Dante & Me

This is Peter Dante. You might remember him as the quarterback of the nation's worst college football team in The Waterboy, as the looney drug-dealer in the stoner-smash-hit Grandma's Boy, or as Adam Sandler's friend in Big Daddy and Mr. Deeds and The Wedding Singer and Little Nicky and... well, basically every other Adam Sandler movie (he's in the Sandler posse with Rob Schneider and the like.) He's also currently staying in a Deluxe Suite at the Beverly Hills Plaza Hotel where I (kill me) work... and the guy is cool as shit.

Dante (as he likes to be called) and I first met on Saturday when I brought him a mini-bar key. He and his buddy were hotboxing the room at the time (I soon learned that they were hotboxing the room all the time) and he smiled, thanked me for the key and asked me to never call him "Sir" again. I knew at that moment that I was gonna like this guy...

Dante first asked me to come up to his room and smoke out with him last night over the phone when he called down for an internet password. I was uneasy about the idea and respectfully declined. You see, I was recently suspended from my job for a week for, well, let's just say lameass reasons, so I was somewhat skating on thin ice with my superiors. I didn't want to risk being caught and, undoubtedly, terminated. But then I grew a freakin' pair and thought, 'Hey, you only live once, right?'

I brought he and his buddy a gift of chocolate peanut butter cups from Trader Joes that an employee from the previous shift had left. This was very much appreciated, as you can probably imagine. Dante, in turn, quickly offered me a beer and a hit of the stickiest of the icky. Over the next 90 minutes, I helped sing "Happy Birthday" to the buddy's love interest, was joined by another dude (a friendly ex-con on probation) with two more girls, watched Will Ferrell's HBO special and Family Guy, and received Dante's invaluable (stoned) insight into both the movie industry and the bud industry. He told us that he was 39 (according to IMDb he turned 40 last December), had accomplished everthing there was accomplish in Hollywood, and in doing so had become a comedic icon of the big-screen. Despite being blazed exaggerations, I had the utmost respect for the name he has made for himself over the years and, therefore, took all of what he said to heart. He encouraged one of the girls to go back to college and get herself an education. He also encouraged her to get naked several times as well, but that's beside the point... For me, he suggested reading books by Uta Hagen and Stanislavsky and offered to help me find a good acting class with name-recognition amongst industry-folk.

After 3 Bud Lights and 1 unforgettable hour-and-a-half, the effects of the bowl were wearing off and, alas, it was time to make the trek back to Burbank. Dante gave me a lovely parting gift: a t-shirt that reads "Peter for PresiDANTE". I cherish it. He asked me when I'll be back. I told him Friday night... But do I really risk losing my job again to kick it with Dante?

You bet your ass I do.


  1. you're going to get fired! stop it, or change the names. or just get fired and laugh all the way to hell.

  2. Oh I'll be laughin like a madman all the way down to the fiery depths, sister!